1. Not All Aros Are Ace
Though it looks and sounds pretty confusing, it’s actually not. Asexual means that you experience little to no sexual attraction. There are different levels to this, obviously, but that’s a broad explanation of it. Most assume that asexual people are also aromantic but that’s not the case! Some people that are asexual really do want a romantic relationship with their partners, just like there are aromantic people who still seek out physical relationships with theirs.
2. Yes, We Do Feel Attraction
However, what kind of attraction depends on the person and where they find themselves on the scale. For example, grey-aromantic people experience romantic attraction but not often, experience romantic attraction have no desire for a romantic relationship, or have a desire for relationships that are not quite romantic but not quite platonic. A type of grey-aromantic is demiromantic; someone who experiences romantic attraction after developing a close relationship with someone. And for aromantic people who aren’t in those categories, there are things similar to crushes called squishes where, instead of harboring romantic feelings– we just want to have a close (nonromantic or nonsexual or sexual) relationship with someone.
3. We Don’t All Want Friends With Benefits
Yes, there are some of us who like having relationships that exists solely for sex; but that’s not for everybody nor is that the only type of relationship we have. The key thing about being aromantic is that you are satisfied with platonic relationships (with or without sex), whether it be a friendship or other non-romantic relationships. But, that doesn’t mean that you only want to have sex with the people in those relationships. For many aromantic people, relationships extend beyond sex, focusing on trust, lifelong goals, and mutual feelings of love as a foundation– not just limiting themselves to physical attraction. To say that aromantic people are only interested in someone for sex is false and very insulting.
4. We Are Not Robots
The idea that all aromantic people (and asexuals) are robots because we do not feel sexual and/or romantic attraction is wrong, a common and annoying misconception. We feel love, joy, sadness, loneliness and a whole other range of emotions. The worst thing that someone can say to an aromantic person is, “So you don’t feel anything at all”. Romantic attraction does not make or break a relationship, and neither does sexual attraction. We love our parents, our friends, our families, our hobbies, and ourselves– we even love the people we’re in a partnership with. We just don’t love them romantically, and that’s fine since romantic love isn’t the only type of love that’s out there.
5. Affection Is Fine
Look, a lot of aromantic people do not understand the need that romantic people have for a romantic relationship. It’s confusing, it doesn’t make sense. And for some people, they are romance repulsed, just like there are sex repulsed asexual people. However, that’s not everybody. For the most part, aromantic people do not see things like holding hands and cuddling to be a strictly “romantic” thing to do. We hold hands with our closest friends, we cuddle with our partners, and we are still able to not be romantically linked to them. For us, those things are simply signs of affection.
There are also some of us who don’t “date”. The reason for that is because dating can be a hassle for aromantic people. Most people expect dating to turn into something more; but often our “something more” isn’t what the other person wants. Sometimes, it’s just friendship, companionship, and maybe even sex that draws us to a person but only sometimes and with certain people is it romantic attraction. When dating, that can be kind of hard to explain, not something you talk about on a first date either. However, if we do go on dates, there’s really no telling what will come of it. Perhaps just close companionship and if the person is gray or demi then maybe it could be something more. Mostly, dating is fun and we just aren’t doing it in hopes of finding a romantic partner. That brings us to the next point.
6. Platonic ( And Sexual) Relationships Are Still Important
Queerplatonic relationships are very, very important. It’s when two people who are linked by friendship or companionship that runs a little deeper than most, are together; just not romantically. However, these two people might also be sexual partners. Relationships like these are just as valid as romantic ones! People in these relationships can care about and love each other just as much as two people in a romantic relationship. It doesn’t matter how you love someone, just as long as you do.
7. We Didn’t Choose This
Just like people don’t choose their sexual preference or their gender identity or anything else of that nature, aromantic people didn’t choose this. We’re just like asexuals and homosexuals and pansexuals- it wasn’t a choice. But, we’re still learning ourselves so we don’t expect you to get everything right. Being aromantic is hard, especially when a lot of people pretend that you don’t exist. I’m still young but from experiences that I’ve had I know that I don’t feel the same way my peers feel about romantic relationships. It’s not a phase, it’s not something I wanted, but even so I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s a part of who I am and I love it!
Here are some helpful links about what it means to be aromantic!
Queer Platonic & Aromantic Advice
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