Introducing The Next Generation Of Leaders And Thinkers

All About Non-binary Youth

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Between Bruce Jenner becoming Caitlyn Jenner and Miley Cyrus launching the Happy Hippie Foundation, the world has had the opportunity to view gender in a different light. In a society that is notoriously stubborn to fully accept people who aren’t straight and cisgendered, those who do not identify with gender in “conventional” ways have been more willing to speak up about their personal experiences and struggles, in the hope of raising awareness and promoting acceptance.

Teaching others about gender – and helping people understand that there are more than two – is extremely important. In the midst of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, another hashtag has been created called #TransLivesMatter. It is much too often that we see African Americans excluding certain subgroups of the black community from BLM, thus creating more oppression within oppression. If black lives matter, then that means all black lives. That means LGBTQIA lives, too.

Recently, two black trans women were murdered. India Clarke was killed by gunshot wound to the head, and Amber Monroe was lynched. Some of the same people who’d been shouting “BLACK LIVES MATTER! JUSTICE FOR SANDRA BLAND!” were suspiciously quiet about India Clarke and Amber Monroe. Why? Because their lives weren’t the kind that “mattered”? Just this year, there have been countless violent crimes against trans women and 12 murder cases in the U.S. so far – as well as 12 (reported) trans deaths in 2014 (Sunnivie Brydum: Advocate). This is a real problem.

Statistics show that 41% of transgender or gender non-conforming people attempt suicide in their lifetime. 46% of trans men and 42% of trans women have or will attempt suicide before the age of 25. The rate of suicide attempts and suicide completions among these groups worsen within Native American, multiracial, African American, and Hispanic communities (Vocativ). The numbers are staggering and deeply upsetting. Instead of accepting these people and treating them like human beings, our society is allowing them to be mistreated, to be driven to suicide, to be demonized, and to even be killed because of who they are.

It is crucial that we stop this dangerous pattern. It is crucial that we stop dehumanizing HUMAN BEINGS. And it is crucial that we educate one another about the versatility of gender.

So, allow me to introduce you to some beautiful, non-binary youths who have stories to tell:

Meet Genesis. Genesis is 18 and agender. Agender is a term created for those who are essentially genderless, nongendered, genderfree. Genesis prefers the pronouns “they/them”. They are comfortable with these pronouns because “they are not perceived by others to represent a binarygender. It helps build my identity”. It wasn’t until Genesis was 17 that they realized there was an actual word for not quite fitting into a conventional gender. Through this life-changing realization, Genesis endured harsh criticism from their father. He never felt inclined or made an effort to learn about their gender. This left Genesis feeling very small, isolated, and unwanted in an already unsupportive environment, which they say, “led way to some serious self-doubt and self-hatred that took me a long time to overcome”. Their views and opinions on gender differ quite distinctly from others. Genesis believes that gender roles and stereotypes are toxic to a person’s real identity, and in reality, gender itself is psychological. However, to these opposing views, their cisgendered boyfriend is an exception. He is immensely compassionate towards Genesis and their gender, and has expressed his willingness to listen to them and learn more. Having this kind of stable support system has positively impacted their experience as a non-binary. One thing, among many, that Genesis loves about their gender is that they feel unrestricted by societal gender roles and the social construct. Many people think that cisgendered-ness is vital and necessary to personal identity; this is untrue. What Genesis wants people to know about their gender is that it is not odd or abnormal or counter-intuitive. It is valid. “My gender is not a result of confusion or dysphoria…it is a result of my healthy psyche alone, and part of who I am. And the person I am is whole and wonderful”. Genesis is brave!

Meet Laurent. Laurent is 17 and genderfluid. Genderfluid is a term created for those who move between genders and fluctuate their gender identity. Laurent prefers to be referred to with the pronouns “ae/aer”. Ae prefers these particular pronouns because they are not attached to a specific gender…just like ae isn’t. Very unique. Laurent never felt completely comfortable being labeled as a “girl”. It took aer the course of a few years to find which gender ae identified most with, however, after exploring the wonderfully expressive Tumblr community, ae began to determine exactly where ae fit. Laurent has an amazing story, but ae still faces the difficulties of having a transphobic family. Aer family are all cisgendered, and ae has chosen not to come out to them yet because, “Due to their views on trans people, I don’t see why they would accept me either”. Despite this, Laurent has mentioned that ae has an amazing and supportive friend in aer life. Aer best friend, Tanya, is the first person ae came out to. Tanya has positively impacted Laurent’s life with well-deserved love, support, and guidance with helping aer figure out aerself as a person. What Laurent loves most about being genderfluid is that ae can feel masculine one day, and feminine the next. Ae says, “I don’t feel pinned to one specific title. I can either be on one side or the other, or somewhere in the middle…and I feel comfortable with that”. Laurent is fantastic!

Meet Sedona. Sedona is 14 and agender. Sedona prefers the pronouns “they/them”. They say, “I think on some level, I always knew. I’m a very stereotypical girly-girl, but for as long as I could remember – while I enjoyed doing girly things – I knew that something was off”. Unfortunately, like most non-binary individuals, Sedona has suffered from depression. While Sedona is comfortable with themself and with being agender, they have experienced an unsupportive environment. Sedona came out to their mother, however, she still seems to believe that they are going through a certain phase…therefore, she refuses to refer to Sedona with the pronouns they’re comfortable with. This lack of acceptance deepened their depression. Thankfully, Sedona’s sister has been very empathetic towards them, and treats them with respect by using their preferred pronouns. When they came out to their sister, it was during a time when no one else referred to them with gender neutral terms. This could have sent Sedona down a dangerous path of extreme depression and self-hatred, but the encouragement and support from their sister has, instead, led them down a beautiful path to recovery and self-acceptance that they say, “I’m still on today”. What Sedona loves the most about being agender is that it has given them a new, positive outlook on life and has allowed them to find great people who share similar experiences. An important thing that they’d like for people to know about agenderness (and gender overall) is that it’s fluid and not part of a strict binary. Nor does it need to be. Sedona is incredible!

Meet Ruben. Ruben is 15 and identifies as transgender agender. Transgender is a term used for those who’s gender and sex aren’t always or ever equivalent. Ruben is comfortable with any pronouns and being referred to as “male/female”, as opposed to being confined to only gender neutral pronouns (but doesn’t mind being called “ze/hir”). Regarding his gender, he says that just like other trans people, he’s always known. But, regarding her gender identity, she feels as though it was hard to really understand who she was while growing up. She explains, “we [agenders] aren’t boys or girls”. Despite that past confusion, Ruben has a great support system. Hir three best friends – Jenny, Serena, and Madi – are like family to hir, and ze feels as though ze can confide in them about anything. Ruben just feels lucky to have people in hir life who love hir unconditionally. The only disapproving people that Ruben has encountered are those ze sees in public. These types of people are ignorant about what agenderness is and are unwilling to accept trans people in general. To others, Ruben likes to appear androgynous, but when expressing himself through clothing, he doesn’t just wear unisex outfits. Most agender people prefer to wear predominantly gender neutral clothing, however, Ruben doesn’t mind dressing in traditional “boy” or “girl” clothes, and that’s part of what makes him so unique. What Ruben loves the most about her gender is that it is truly her. She says, “it’s not something that defines me, but it gives me a sense of assurance”. Ruben wants people to know that his gender is not just a passing phase or a myth, and “it’s just part of this wonderful thing called me”. Ruben is one-of-a-kind!

It’s terribly disappointing that we live in a world where we make beautiful people like this feel unsafe to be themselves. We need to do better as a society. Educate ourselves, be more accepting, be more aware. Hopefully then, we can prevent so many young non-binaries from attempting or completing suicide. We need to protect our non-binary friends, family members, and strangers!

If you are a non-binary youth (or any age), please know that you matter. You are important and you are valuable. Your life is precious. No matter what color you are or what gender you are. You matter.

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