Toxic Masculinity

Written by Alexis Isabel 

Masculinity is defined as the possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men. Hyper masculinity has been toxic, violent, and ultimately deadly. This idea of manliness is prevalent in society, and the media seems to ignore its negative results and enforce these gender roles. Below I will point out some issues with masculinity.
Limitations: Toxic masculinity is often absorbed by men. This results in men feeling as if they must follow a set of rules, follow a certain path, and subject themselves to a certain lifestyle. Masculinity convinces men that if they do not become the breadwinners, they are not “real” men. Masculinity tells men they cannot participate in “feminine” activities, that they can’t like something that lots of women do. Masculinity is what teaches men they can’t enjoy what they choose, but only what makes them look tough. And when men cannot accommodate to these rules, they feel powerless. Men who are particularly skinny, weak, or fat begin to feel not good enough for not fitting some invisible standard enforced by not only women, but OTHER men. Masculinity is the core of what limits men from being themselves. Masculinity can be broken by simply painting your nails, it is that fragile, yet is held up to be some tough superior standard.

Violence: Tragedies of male violence happen because men are brought up in a culture that teaches them define themselves as men through violence. “From boyhood we are taught to be strong as men. We are taught to “tough it out” when faced with hurt. We are taught that our emotional self can dominate over our physical self. We are taught if one hits or strikes us, we must not be weak; we must strike back or be labeled as a “punk” or a “sissy.” We are also taught that we are to dominate others. I cannot discuss the male violence trend without speaking of patriarchy. When boys break free from identifying with wayward notions of masculinity, they are severely punished in a system of societal patriarchy.” – Quassan Castro (x) This ideal leaves men who are not particularly strong feeling, once again, not good enough. Male violence is fueled by masculinity, in situations of both male against male and male against female violence. Male vs male violence is fueled by the need to be tougher, therefore superior to other men to prove ones worth. Violence against women is fueled by the need to be in control, powerful, and the leader. Masculinity is source of most acts of male violence.

Homophobia: Michael Kimmel defines homophobia in masculinity as “ the fear of being perceived as gay, as not a real man.” Masculinity enforces terms like f*ggot to be used to men who are not as powerful or as masculine as them. Homophobia plays a major role in masculinity because men are being taught that being a man who loves another man, makes you not a “real” man. Masculinity enforces heterosexual normality, and educes violence against men who do not identify as heterosexual. It is another form of sexist terms like “sissy.” Homophobia and sexism play the same roles in masculinity. Straight men fear being perceived as gay, so they force themselves into gender roles in which make them seem stereotypically masculine. Masculinity is hurting its own people, excluding bisexual, gay, pansexual, and all non hetero men. Why would you want to conform to these kind of ideals?

Sexism: We can all agree that the worst way to hurt a mans ego is by using insults that equate him to the value of a woman. Masculinity teaches men that they are superior to women, that referring to females as “sluts,” “bitches,” and “hoes,” makes them a man. That being the powerful one in the relationship is a must. You must be the one in control, the one who makes the money, the one who “wears the pants.” Masculinity teaches you from day one that anything feminine is inferior. It is important to understand that men are this way because they are brought up taught these ideals. They are told growing up to stay away from anything feminine, that anything feminine is not for them because they are boys, and boys play with cars, boys fight, boys play sports and boys are strong. Imagine being told growing up that you must become the “man of the house,” constantly being pushed away by your fathers AND mothers from anything slightly “girly.” They are being brought up to see themselves as the superior, that women are weak because they associate themselves with activities that are “feminine.” Which is ultimately why men are afraid of activities that women participate in, because they think that women are less than them. Masculinity is superiority.

What is confusing about this sexist aspect of masculinity is this: If women are so weak and powerless, why are men taught to measure their worth on the amount of women they sleep with? Men who are virgins are shamed deeply by other men for not being a “man” and sleeping with women. Men are taught to hate women, too the core, but they cant survive and be “real men” without “conquering women.” If you mix this ideology with mental illness, you get men like Elliot Rodger. Rodger hated women so much, he saw them as evil creatures who are simply worthless. Yet he measured the worth of his life on the simple fact that no women have slept with him, as he recorded video diaries about this for months, he ultimately shot up a sorority simply because no one would sleep with him. Rodger targeted these women out of entitlement. This also plays into how male victims of sexual assault and rape are expected by other men to not be taken seriously simply because they are men. Men enforce the idea onto other men that any chance at sexual contact with women is wanted, no matter the time, place, or consent. Men are the first to criticize other men who come forward with their rape stories and you can find evidence of this all over social media. They make comments like “he should be happy he got laid,” “he was strong enough to stop it,” “why is he upset?” Women of course play their role, but men use masculinity’s mixture of strength and conquer to invalidate male victims of rape.

Entitlement: Masculinity teaches men that they are entitled. To women, to jobs, to just about everything. And this particular form of masculinity is much more evident in white men, of course not all, before I am accused of making generalizations. White men feel as if they are entitled to jobs, hence their use of phrases like “the immigrants are taking MY/OUR jobs.” Even though white men rule most of everything in the United States, when they aren’t handed CEO of a multi-million dollar company, they feel cheated, and become angry. White men see things like affirmative action as reverse discrimination, ignoring the fact it is only needed because white men rule everything, because they feel entitled to every job. Masculinity teaches men they are entitled, to EVERYTHING. That they deserve women for being “nice guys,” for simply not disrespecting a woman. They’re taught to fear some non existent friend zone, because they deserve women. They think they’re so entitled to women that their worst fear is a woman not wanting to have sex with them. Masculinity shoves this entitlement down mens throats.

Stoicism: If you are unaware, stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint. This is something that is so deeply manifested in masculinity. This is what erupts in violence, this is the reason masculinity never works. Teaching men to “man up” when they are hurt, to not cry, to endure life with no display of feelings. This is the end result of masculinity. This is the anger and feelings that build up in a man for so long. They cant cry, they cant express themselves, they cant be who they are because they don’t want to feel emasculated. Men live a life of stoicism due to hyper masculinity. Is this really what you’d want your son to endure? Is crying and expressing emotions really that bad? Why are we associating emotions with a gender? If were being realistic, most people have emotions, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a guy, girl, or non binary, your worth isn’t measured by how many tears you cry. Stop hyper masculinity, stop letting it teach boys violence and stoicism. No one is telling men that they cant enjoy stereotypical male activities, but we need to stop expecting all men to fit the standard of some